Flashback to October 2018: As a 23 year old, newly married, freshly out of college, and in my first big girl job as a wedding coordinator, I was stressed beyond belief. Jordan was gone a majority of the month for work and I was ass kissing MOBs 24/7. October in particular was the month from hell. Apparently, the month of October is a magical Disney time where not only do the leaves change colors but women change their last name.
I thought I knew what stress was – then adulthood/marriage paired with an overwhelming vocation hit me like a ton of bricks.
That’s when the symptoms started. I remember the specific moment when it hit. I had just arrived at the wedding venue. A stereotypical rustic barn with “All of Me” by John Legend blaring through the rudimentary sound system. A wave of fatigue and severe indigestion hit. A chronic burning in my stomach, cramping, and occasional diarrhea began to plague my life from that moment on. My first visit to the doctor went as you would imagine:
“Nothing is wrong with you. Take this proton-pump inhibitor and have a nice day.”
Now I can’t fully blame the first series of doctors. Crohn’s is an elusive beast and it does not run in my family so I can see why they wouldn’t cast their flashlights in that direction. But regardless, I was disappointed and full of unanswered questions.
The end of 2018 marked the beginning of an uphill battle against a menacing Phantom.
It’s now early 2019 and my primary care physician ultimately referred me to a Gastroenterologist. This is a doctor you regularly meet when you are 50. I was 24. At this point, a lot of my symptoms were still upper: burning and pain above my belly button.
In April 2019 I had an endoscopy done (where they take a small camera down in my stomach and look around. Personally, I think it’s a cool procedure, my husband tends to gag upon thinking about it. Pun intended). At this point, I was hoping for an ulcer – ulcers were hereditary and it would at least be a face to the menace torturing my digestive system. We even entertained celiac disease as a possibility.
Nothing showed up and the tests for celiac came back negative. All that was reported was gastritis and excess fluid in my stomach and my doctor insisted I stay on my proton pump inhibitor. I was gutted…both literally and figuratively. Seriously? In hindsight – I should have pressed the GI doctor. What was causing the inflammation in my stomach lining? Why was the fluid there? In hindsight, the excess fluid would point to my body compensating for an issue that didn’t exist. This could have been a clue to auto-immune. Hindsight. Life is made up of hindsight. There is no escaping it.
Sadly it took several more months to get to that point in my health journey – where I had the courage to start asking the deeper questions – the courage to face darker realities.
A bit disgruntled with my current health care and lack of results, a close friend referred me to her doctor in July 2019. She described her as more holistic but extremely effective. At that point, I was desperate for ANYTHING. After meeting with Dr. Holly, I was instantly encouraged. She requested blood and stool tests immediately to see what was going on in my digestive glass menagerie.
The test results were alarming. The inflammation levels in my blood should have given me a heart attack. I had an iron deficiency and was also lacking several vitamins and minerals. She was shocked I was still functioning. I had lost an incredible amount of weight and looked every bit the definition of gaunt. Oh! And my poop was nothing to write home about. It was nine straight months of Niagra Falls out my butt. Sorry, not sorry. You clicked on this blog.
I think the most damaging moment in this journey up to this point was the lack of concern and initiative from my GI doctors. This apathy dissuaded me from the conclusion that I was experiencing an irritable bowel disease like Crohn’s. Dr. Holly suggested a colonoscopy in order to diagnose Crohn’s or ulcerative colitis.
She got me started on anti-inflammatory supplements like Fish Oil, Vitamin D and L-Glutamine to promote healing in my gut to see if that would fix my issues. This was also the first doctor who began to teach me the importance of diet and being aware of food sensitivities – something I am now really passionate about! A big reason why I am beginning this blog.
I must say, I did find the most relief from the supplements prescribed to me. As I began to follow an anti-inflammatory diet, I noticed energy and life returning. But even then, I knew my body was still at war. Looking back, I wish my doctors would have pushed the colonoscopy from the very beginning. Looking back, I wish I had eaten more cake and macaroni and cheese before my body decided to join the dark side.
In late Summer, the symptoms still lingered. I also lost about 20 pounds since the beginning of the year. And at this point, my behind was at an all time flow. I will spare you the details – but chronic diarrhea makes your butt hole hate you. I felt like an 80 year old woman based on the pharmacy in our medicine cabinet. I still have the Monday through Sunday pill box that hypochondriacs carry around with them like a Kate Spade handbag.
As September-October approached, I entered into another overwhelming work season and my stress levels sky-rocketed. As my stress increased, so did the pain and symptoms. The pain became unbearable. Looking back, I don’t know how I finished that season of work. There were moments while working events, I had to step away to compose myself because the pain was so severe.
Oh, and I am so glad you brought up diarrhea! The diarrhea prevented me from doing ANYTHING. Trips to the bathroom were up to 10-15 times a day. My husband, family, and even Dr. Holly wanted me to quit my job. I am not one who quits easily. I knew I was leaving the job in November and moving out of state. If I could just get to mid-November, I could focus entirely on my body and health.
Now for the turning point of my journey, the clencher….clincher?
My butt saved my life.
Bare with me! My bottom was in such extreme pain from the countless hours of diarrhea that I rushed an appointment with a rectal surgeon. It was the last appointment I was able to make before moving across the country. It was this rectal surgeon that finally pushed for full Crohn’s investigation. She was alarmed by my symptoms and the current state of my behind. I finally received the urgency from a healthcare professional that I knew I needed deep down in my heart.
She quickly scheduled a colonoscopy before my departure from the state.
Now my colonoscopy story is an entirely different blog story, but I will just leave it as this: They stick a camera up your butt. To be continued.
I remember when I got the diagnosis. I was groggy from the procedure and I could feel the warmth of Jordan’s hand in mine. The doctor’s assistant walked in and dispensed with the pleasantries. “It is definitely Crohn’s.” A wave of sadness overcame me. I cried. The overwhelming sadness was quickly replaced with relief. Finally. An answer to my years worth of suffering. Finally, the face of the serial killer in the neighborhood of my digestive system.
If I have learned anything: when in doubt, get a colonoscopy! If I would have been tested sooner, it would have saved me from so much frustration and suffering.
Also, trust your gut. Despite the initial lack of concern from my physicians, I knew something wasn’t right. Press them. This is not a blog blaming physicians. Doctors work to save countless lives throughout their career. Days can get long. Sometimes they need gentle assertiveness from a patient that knows something isn’t right.
In future blog posts, I will discuss in more detail the symptoms leading up to the diagnosis and the actual diagnosis itself: Crohn’s Disease. I would also love to share about how diseases affect your relationships and your caretakers. I will also be sharing more on how this disease has established a stronger connection with Jesus. Suffering, although horrible, can only produce good. The desire for this blog is to ultimately bring awareness to all facets surrounding an incurable disease.
Thank you for reading. Please continue the conversation in the comment section. And don’t forget to share your story.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. -Romans 5:1-5.